Life, Love

Letter to My Great Grandpa

Great Grandpa

Dear Great Grandpa,

Today we honor the man you were…

Actually today I honor the man you ARE. Yes, you may be in another place but to me you are still very much here and apart of my every day life. Not a day goes by that I don’t look at the framed picture, of you and grandma, that sits on my bookshelf. I blow you a kiss and wish you a splendid day. If only I could hug you and make your ear buzz!

Remember those days, when I was little, wait who am I kidding. If I saw you tomorrow I would still do it. I would run up to you hug you and put my ear to your ear until your hearing aid buzzed. I hear that buzz in my dreams everyone once in a while and I wake up knowing that’s your way of telling me you’re still here.

You are the man who paved the path for our family. The man who served in many wars and still found a way to come home. The man who raised a family that loves and adores each and every person in our lives. The man who taught me how to garden, to love someone with all my heart, to appreciate the little things.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the millions of moments we spent together, and the millions of moments I missed with you.

I have so many fond memories with you, there are those of picking blueberries in the garden with you for Grandma’s blueberry pie or Papa’s blueberry jam, walking hand in hand with you over to the neighbors to feed and pet the horses, now I know where my love of horses came from, and even just sitting in the trailer drinking tea and eating cookies. To this day I still sit and have a glass of ice team and a cookie or two just like we used too.

Those sure were the days, when I was young and all I wanted to do was spend time with you. Then I started to grow up, I ventured out into the world of friends, boyfriends, working, getting in trouble, expending my life. etc. Our time together slowly dwindled down to once or twice a year.

Of course then I moved and our relationship was down to a phone call every 6 months or so, SHIT not even that, pardon my Tamm language. Ya I got that from you too.

Then out of know where I realized I hadn’t seen you in 5 whole years, and I couldn’t wait to come home to see you. I received the phone call that changed everything. That phone call from dad, on 9/11/13 “ Sweetie, I wish I didn’t have to tell you this over the phone but Grandpa Tamm passed away today.”

I was and still am literally crushed inside. One of the most important men in my life, that I have looked up too since the day I was born has passed and I never had the opportunity to say my good-byes. I know you knew I loved you and missed you but there’s days where I don’t think you knowing was enough, I should have called more. I should have come home and visited more. I should have known you weren’t well, I should have come home and seen you.

Ya, ya I know you’re probably shaking your finger at me right now. Telling me to not worry about it. That you knowing I was pursuing my dreams was enough for you. You always made sure we all knew family was/is important, but that what we wanted to do and where we wanted to be in life was just as important.

I wish you were here, I wish you were here to celebrate the holidays one last time with the family. It’s so amazing to have Grandma around for Thanksgiving. It’s the first time I have ever sat at the dinner table with her for Thanksgiving.

She seems to be doing well by the way. She miss you like crazy and you can hear it in her voice when she talks about you. We all miss you like crazy.

I know it will pass and the newness of your non-existence will pass. But forever and always I promise to remember you and always seek your acceptance. I know you will find your own way to tell me that everything I am doing is okay and that I am still the little girl you used to carry over to see the horses.

I will forever keep you in my memories and forever keep you in my life. Yesterday I went and got my first tattoo and its in honor of you.

Tattoo

Rest in peace Richard Eugene Tamm you will forever be the man in my dreams, the man I look up too every day. I will forever love you!

# generations

3 Generations! Great Grandpa (Center) Papa (Left) Dad (Right)

 

Standard
Life, Love

No one said it was easy

*disclaimer this post my include a bit of emotion and ranting. This is a full-fledged feelings post!

Relationships1

I feel like no matter who you are for some reason “we” think relationships are supposed to be a piece of damn cake.  Why? No one ever said relationships are supposed to be easier. No one ever said even said relationships will be easy.  Every relationship is going to have a challenge, or two, or three or ten.

I’ve been in a relationship for about 9 months now that is starting to make me think twice. I met this guy on OKCupid after about a 3 month single period (after my breakup with a boyfriend of 4 1/2 years). The beginning of the relationship was great and a typical hangout when we had time relationship.  After a few months into being more serious, he said he might be moving to NY and that he wanted to take things back a step (back to casual) because he didn’t want to commit to something if he was going to move.  Oddly enough that made our relationship stronger and ever since that convo we were hanging out 2-4 times a week. He didn’t end up moving and our relationship continued down the serious path it was on. Fast track to middle of September and I am back in school (with a heavy course load) and not to mention also working odd hours to cover my bills. So our time around each other slowed down a bit (understandably), then in October her started working for a new company (instead of himself as he had been) and his schedule became completely full.  Up until the last couple weeks we both seemed to put effort into making our schedules work to see each other at least once a week but this last week that all seemed to change. On both ends not just his but also mine.

This past weekend we had originally made plans to get together to go to the local science academy or just a walk the Golden Gate before I went to work but when I woke up that morning, I just had this odd feeling of I just didn’t want to go. So I texted him and said “Hey I think I’m going to stay home and do homework before work tonight, wanna come over tonight when I’m off.” and his response was “oh okay cool, maybe not tonight I was really looking forward to having alone time.” It didn’t even phase me that he didn’t want to hang out.  Not to mention he didn’t even end up staying home alone that night, he ended up going out with some friends. Again it didn’t even phase me that he’d rather hang with them than me.  Anyways, We went on to make plans for Sunday night instead since I had the evening off work,  but again Sunday came around and a few hours before getting off work I texted him asking “You staying home tonight?” and his answer was “planning on it.” Even though we had already committed the prior day to spending the evening together. ,We both just seemed to not care, that we suddenly weren’t going to be hanging out.

realtionships2

This recent situation has gotten me to thinking over the past few days (and honestly is something I have thought about off and on over the past few months). Even though when we are together we always have an amazing time, we have great chemistry and truly seem to enjoy being around each other, I just don’t think I’m happy.  Which in all reality isn’t fully true. When we do spend time together, I am happy. I have a great time and am content. But that’s just it. I’m just content.

I honestly don’t want to just be content. This feeling of just being content isn’t what I’ve hoped for in a relationship. I want it to be a non stop adventure.

relationships2

In this contentedness that I feel I’m happy but I’m not as happy as I know I can be or as happy as I want to be.

I know we both have busy schedules and less time for one another, which is completely understandable and fine. When we’ve had free time we’ve done the best we can to make an effort to spend time together but neither one of us are getting much time for just ourselves. And over the last couple months I have started to lose focus on myself. My health, my goals, my friendships, etc. and I know he can relate. I also can’t say that I haven’t enjoyed what we have either, I enjoy every minute we spend together, you make me laugh and we seem to just connect but,

I’m in a place where I think I need one of two things. I either need to know that we are in a serious committed relationship and that we can both be open with our feelings. That we’re focused on each other, each others goals and growing together. No OKC or Tinder accounts (because honestly it bothers me now, that I know he still uses these), continuing to make efforts to see each other as often as we can, making sure we have a continued open communication with one another, expressing our feelings, etc

Or the second thing being that we go back to being in a completely casual relationship or even just strictly a friendship. I value his friendship and obviously don’t want to lose the friendship we have established. But this gives us both time to focus on ourselves, our work/education and personal individual goals. If we find ourselves wanting to hang out everyone once in a while than we do so wether it be to go out on a date or just catch up. From this we either find that we want to be with one another or we don’t and either way we continue to build a lasting friendship without hurting one another.

relationships3

Today we came to the deciding factor that option two is the best option for us both right now. Here’s to figuring things out and growing as individuals. I know this is the best for me and probably him but at the same time I’m sure I’ll miss the relationship we had created.

Thanks for listening and Happy Friday Loves –

Christy 

 

Standard
Law School 101, Life, Uncategorized

Law School and LSAT Stress

In October I finally took my first LSAT. It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be.

2013-06-25 13.19.44

After about 25 days of waiting I finally received my score about a week ago. I only got a 144 but that isn’t horrible. I was looking for a 150 which is still attainable if I decide to take the test again in June.

From here I am going to apply to schools in January when my transcripts include this current semester in them, to up my chances of getting in where I want to get in. For the next couple months I will be working on my resume and personal statement. I will also need to write an addendum for my current GPA reading, it hopes to boost my chance of getting in.

The stress of the LSAT is finally over and now my momentum to apply has kind of subsided. I just need to hunker down, knock out these next few documents and get my applications sent as soon as my updated transcript comes through, then I need to start crossing my fingers.

Do you ever have those times when you get so stressed about something and then once something happens like a test you lose momentum for the rest of what needs to be done to reach your goal? How do you handle stress?

 

Standard
Life

Good-Bye October // Hello November

The fall and winter months are the months that make me really miss living in Washington. I love to see the changing seasons, it was always aparant what season it was when I was living in Washington. Here in the city, there is a change in weather but its not apparent in the surrounding nature. The weather just changes September and October turn fairly nice (actually) that becomes summer here in the city. Then boom, its suddenly freezing, the wind hits you hard every time you turn a corner, but you know what that means its boots, scarves and hat weather.  With the change in weather you know the months are coming and going.

Can you believe its already November.  This year has gone by so quickly.  If you saw my post on October you know, I’m not wanting to say good-bye to my favorite month.  It was a great month, I took my first LSAT, I turned 25 with a trip to Vegas and I had one of the best Halloween nights I’ve ever had.  Here are some pictures to display my month.

So unfortunately it’s time to say goodbye to October and hello to November. November should bring about a good month as well.  I get to go home and see my family and the whole family is going to be home which will be a first in awhile.  November is also the month of giving Thanks so whats not to enjoy about November?

How was your October? What are you looking forward to this Novemeber

 

Standard