Life, Love

Letter to My Great Grandpa

Great Grandpa

Dear Great Grandpa,

Today we honor the man you were…

Actually today I honor the man you ARE. Yes, you may be in another place but to me you are still very much here and apart of my every day life. Not a day goes by that I don’t look at the framed picture, of you and grandma, that sits on my bookshelf. I blow you a kiss and wish you a splendid day. If only I could hug you and make your ear buzz!

Remember those days, when I was little, wait who am I kidding. If I saw you tomorrow I would still do it. I would run up to you hug you and put my ear to your ear until your hearing aid buzzed. I hear that buzz in my dreams everyone once in a while and I wake up knowing that’s your way of telling me you’re still here.

You are the man who paved the path for our family. The man who served in many wars and still found a way to come home. The man who raised a family that loves and adores each and every person in our lives. The man who taught me how to garden, to love someone with all my heart, to appreciate the little things.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the millions of moments we spent together, and the millions of moments I missed with you.

I have so many fond memories with you, there are those of picking blueberries in the garden with you for Grandma’s blueberry pie or Papa’s blueberry jam, walking hand in hand with you over to the neighbors to feed and pet the horses, now I know where my love of horses came from, and even just sitting in the trailer drinking tea and eating cookies. To this day I still sit and have a glass of ice team and a cookie or two just like we used too.

Those sure were the days, when I was young and all I wanted to do was spend time with you. Then I started to grow up, I ventured out into the world of friends, boyfriends, working, getting in trouble, expending my life. etc. Our time together slowly dwindled down to once or twice a year.

Of course then I moved and our relationship was down to a phone call every 6 months or so, SHIT not even that, pardon my Tamm language. Ya I got that from you too.

Then out of know where I realized I hadn’t seen you in 5 whole years, and I couldn’t wait to come home to see you. I received the phone call that changed everything. That phone call from dad, on 9/11/13 “ Sweetie, I wish I didn’t have to tell you this over the phone but Grandpa Tamm passed away today.”

I was and still am literally crushed inside. One of the most important men in my life, that I have looked up too since the day I was born has passed and I never had the opportunity to say my good-byes. I know you knew I loved you and missed you but there’s days where I don’t think you knowing was enough, I should have called more. I should have come home and visited more. I should have known you weren’t well, I should have come home and seen you.

Ya, ya I know you’re probably shaking your finger at me right now. Telling me to not worry about it. That you knowing I was pursuing my dreams was enough for you. You always made sure we all knew family was/is important, but that what we wanted to do and where we wanted to be in life was just as important.

I wish you were here, I wish you were here to celebrate the holidays one last time with the family. It’s so amazing to have Grandma around for Thanksgiving. It’s the first time I have ever sat at the dinner table with her for Thanksgiving.

She seems to be doing well by the way. She miss you like crazy and you can hear it in her voice when she talks about you. We all miss you like crazy.

I know it will pass and the newness of your non-existence will pass. But forever and always I promise to remember you and always seek your acceptance. I know you will find your own way to tell me that everything I am doing is okay and that I am still the little girl you used to carry over to see the horses.

I will forever keep you in my memories and forever keep you in my life. Yesterday I went and got my first tattoo and its in honor of you.

Tattoo

Rest in peace Richard Eugene Tamm you will forever be the man in my dreams, the man I look up too every day. I will forever love you!

# generations

3 Generations! Great Grandpa (Center) Papa (Left) Dad (Right)

 

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One thought on “Letter to My Great Grandpa

  1. Pingback: 101 in 1001 days UPDATE! | Living My Life as I Know It!

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