101 in 1001, Life, Love

Pain. Fear. Love.

The past few months life just hasn’t been the same. I’ve found who I really am, I’ve fallen in love with someone I never thought I could love. Ive become vulnerable to pain again. I’ve put my self in a place where I can be hurt again, where my world could instantly fall to pieces but I’m the happiest I think I have ever been.

Loving someone is hard, letting someone into my life to love me is even harder. I fear rejection, I fear pain and by letting someone into my life, into a level of such an emotional state I let down the walls that barricade the possibilities for rejection and pain.

I know things are different, they have to be. My feelings make that apparent. She has become my everything!

I thought she would just be another one of my phases. A phase of trying to find my sexuality, trying to find who I can be, who I want to be. To me, being with a girl has always been so taboo. I’ve enjoyed every moment I’ve ever had with women but always thought I’d have to be with a man, I’d have to do right by my family. Until I met her.

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The minute she introduced herself to my I was hooked. That smile of hers melted my heart. Her demeanor, her strength, her wit all drew me in. I found myself always longing to hang out with her. Every chance I had to flirt with her, just talk to her, or just plain be around her, I would jump at the opportunity.

Becoming her friend was all I could do, all I knew I should do, the only thing I was going to allow myself to do. Becoming her friend was perfect, she was the friend I needed, someone I connected with so well.

I got to know her for who she was. I wasn’t like the other girls. She didn’t put up a front, she told me everything, she let me into her life, who she was, what she loved and hated about herself, what she wanted in life. And with everything I learned about her my heart started to swell. The typical me after hearing about her past, who she was, what she hated about herself would have ran for the hills. I typically would have stayed far far away from this girl. This girl who would break me, would hurt me, would cause me so much pain. But, I just couldn’t seem to shake her.

I still can’t shake her! I won’t shake her. I want her around. I want her around forever. Forever… such a huge infinite word, but seriously I don’t want “this” to change. This girl has changed my world, this girl has become my world.

Thinking about how much I love her is painful. It brings tears to my eyes. But it’s a pain you only feel when you’re in love and the tears are tears of joy.

Her warm embrace, her sweet kisses, her laugh, her smell, her beauty, her strength, her passions, her, her, her… I’m in love with her, everything about her.

I don’t know what our future holds for us. What I do know is that our present is near perfect. I hope that our future continues down this perfect path. I hope my love for her only grows never fades. I hope that she loves me the way I love her, and that her love never fades. I hope she’ll continue to be mine for forever. Yes I said it “forever!”

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101 in 1001, Life, Love

The time has come… to open the door.

Not long ago I wrote a post Who am I, a never ending question and since then, I have spoken with many of my friends and family members and feel it’s time to talk with all of you my loves.

Because you my loves mean just as much to me as everyone else in my life, I thought I would post the letter I wrote to a few individuals in my family. This was/is the best way I see fit to explain my situation at this time with the ones I love.

I am happy to note that most of everyone in my life has embraced me with open arms, love and support and I can’t be more thankful about that. I too hope that you my loves can show me your love and support.

What makes you happy

This isn’t an easy letter to write to you. This is a conversation I wish could be had in person but know at this time that’s not an option. The best thing for us both at this point is that you hear from me (through this letter) what is going on in my life. Although, I know you may not agree with what I have to share, I do hope to continue to have your never-ending love and support for who I am as an individual.

For the past 11-12 years I have been battling with who I am as an individual. I have struggled with finding who I am, who I want to be and who everyone else wants me to be. Since I was about 13 years old, I have struggled with my sexuality. I’ve always known I was/am attracted to women. That I didn’t want to be with boys but I wanted to be one of the boys. That I find women extremely attractive in all ways, that I want to be with a women and I want to find and have a relationship with a woman. I have always felt this way and for years have chosen to fight these feelings. Growing up I turned to boys (not the greatest of ones) because that’s what I thought was what I needed to do, what was expected of me. Because of where I grew up and how I was raised I thought this was my only option. I in turn fell into some horrible relationships, a really bad depression and often turned to drugs to cope with my unhappiness.

It wasn’t until I moved to California about 6 years ago that I started to explore my thoughts, and who I was as a person. Even though I was in a relationship with Gurjeet, I was lucky to be in a relationship with someone who knew and supported me and loved me no matter what. Gurjeet was always there for me and that made finding who I am, that much easier. When we broke up it was as much a relief as it was a heart-break. The heartbreak came from my commitment of being with him because it was the right thing to do. That it was what everyone else would want. The relief came because I wasn’t truly happy and it wasn’t what I wanted.

Even after breaking up with Gurjeet I still stuck with trying to force myself to date guys, because it again was something I thought was the right thing to do, the only option for me. It wasn’t until about 6 months ago that I met someone who completely changed that for me. Even though I continued to fight the feelings and continued to date Joshua for those 5 months, my feels just continued to grow for this person and in the end I finally ended it with Joshua to pursue a relationship with this person where I felt it was just meant to be.  It was only fair to him and myself that I didn’t continue down the path we were on.

For the past month I have been dating this person I met 6 months ago and I couldn’t be happier. The feelings and connection I have with her is one I have never felt for anyone ever. I can’t even express how happy and relaxed I am as an individual since I have chosen to follow my heart. I can’t even begin to put into words the emotions and thoughts that I feel. It just all seems right.

With that, all I ask from you is for you to have an open mind, to continue to love and support me for who I am. I know that this information can come as a shock and can be heartbreaking but at the same time I know its best for me and who I am, to open up to the ones I love and to stop hiding who I really am.

With all my love.

Christina Michelle

P.S. I am hear to talk when ever you want to talk.

P.P.S The picture included with this letter is of Jackie (my girlfriend) and me, this was taken at a friend’s birthday party on December 13th, 2013.

Jax and Me

Picture I included

xoxo- Christy

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101 in 1001, Life

101 in 1001 // Update

Christy’s 101 things in 1001 days Update: 

Anything in BOLD RED is something I have completed, Italicized Neon Green is what I am working on currently. I’m moving along quite well on this list and I plan on knocking out quite a few more of the “what I’m working on ones” as well as a few others like going snowboarding, etc. 

  1. Inspire someone else to do the 101 list  Yelena over at the blog “The Twenty-Something” check out her list 
  2. Create a savings account – (created savings account on Jan 2nd)
  3. Apply for a passport  filled out the paper work – just need to schedule and appointment and file 
  4. Pay off all my CC debt putting money away from tips daily to put towards CC debt – March 1st 2014 is goal!
  5. Travel outside the country
  6. Graduate from SFSU  – (should graduate Spring 2014)
  7. Get a big girl job
  8. Take the LSAT  – Got a 141 on the October 5th 2013 test 
  9. Apply to Law school
  10. Read 25 books for pleasure 6/25 – see my list of books below.
  11. Unplug for a weekend (phone and internet) – Must be a weekend I don’t work
  12. Go camping
  13. Go Skinny dipping
  14. Visit a big city in the U.S. – Jax and I are planning a trip to New York in March 2013 
  15. Throw a big party
  16. Buy the person behind me coffee or a meal
  17. Send a care package to someone in the military
  18. Send a care package to a friend
  19. Write personal letters to at least 5 people 0/5
  20. Get a minimum of 50 people to follow my blog between the blogs Facebook page and the blog directly  44/50
  21. Go a month without take out
  22. Have a no spend month (groceries, bills, emergencies only)
  23. Ride 1000 miles 46.45/1000 – see my logged miles below – check out this post about one of my rides!
  24. Go on a date 
  25. Fall in love again
  26. Dance in the rain
  27. Sing Karaoke in a bar
  28. Travel alone somewhere at least over night  went to Disney Land – 
  29. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter
  30. Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day
  31. Go Wine tasting in Napa
  32. Jump off a cliff
  33. Train for and Run a 5k (I am not a fan of running so this will be a challenge for me)
  34. Have dinner by candle light
  35. Give a 100% tip
  36. Complete a 30 day photo challenge
  37. Create and Inspiration/dream wall in my kitchen
  38. Fill my frames with pictures of people I love  I have filled 3, I need to buy some more  frames 
  39. Invest in blog business cards
  40. Have someone redesign my blog – I redesigned it myself
  41. Be sponsored on my blog
  42. Organize and download all my photos from Facebook
  43. Attend a blogging conference
  44. Take a cooking or baking class
  45. Make 10 recipes from pinterest 2/10 – Pasta tacos, pesto chicken and tomato noodles, 
  46. Do 5 DIY projects from pinterest
  47. Put all of my recipes together in a cookbook
  48. Do 10 things from Sosh.com 1/10 – Dinner at Grub 10/17/13,
  49. Get straight A’s one semester
  50. Buy new pots and pans *make the investment – my stepdad bought me some a set in August 13′
  51. Sponsor a child in a third world country
  52. Sponsor a Make a Wish Child
  53. Get a Tattoo – Tattoo on my wrist in honor of two of my Grandpas
  54. Play Wii sports games for 30 days straight
  55. Buy and learn Photoshop  its been downloaded – now to learn it
  56. Do Yoga for 30 days straight
  57. Go to a concert  Swedish House Mafia 2/14/13, Tim McGraw 6/9/13, Jason Aldean 10/12/13, 
  58. Identify 101 things that make me smile 17/101 – see my list below
  59. Record myself singing and share on Facebook and YouTube
  60. Write a letter to myself to open when I am 30
  61. Watch or re-watch all movies that got best picture in the past 10 years as of 2013 0/10
  62. Put $10 into savings for everything completed on this list $30/$1010 
  63. Do the A-Z picture challenge
  64. Keep a line a day  for 3 months  ended up being more than a line a day see this Monday inspiration post  
  65. Call my Mom/Dad/Stepmom/sister once a month for a year I talk to one of them at least 2-3 times a month
  66. Write a blog post for every completed item on the list  2/101 see all posts about completed tasks by clicking on the task
  67. Have acupuncture done
  68. Go snowboarding – I love snowboarding but don’t get to go ever now that I live in California
  69. Go one month without buying coffee from Starbucks
  70. Attend a festival – Carnival with Eva, SF Pride with J, 
  71. Give 20 just because gifts 0/20
  72. Have photos taken with family
  73. Have boudoir photos taken
  74. Go to Disney World – does Disney Land count?
  75. Grow a plant from a seed
  76. Donate to a cause or charity
  77. Send a post card to postsecrets.com
  78. Send 20 postcards through post crossings 0/20
  79. Answer the 50 questions to free my mind
  80. Ride my bicycle across the golden gate bridge 
  81. Do a full ride in Marin county
  82. Stay in a Bed and Breakfast
  83. Go to the zoo
  84. Finish all desperate housewives episodes 57/180
  85. Hide a note in a book in my school library
  86. Go to the ballet
  87. Make myself a build a bear
  88. Put a scrapbook together of Rae and I to give to her at her graduation
  89. Send flowers to a friend just because
  90. Have a movie theater marathon: 2 movies 1 day – Saw “We’re the Millers” and “Elysium” 
  91. Learn how to golf or at least go golfing once
  92. Order new checks – they are very girly and even have my SF address on them
  93. Come out to all my family and friends 
  94. Have a guest blogger – Yelena has been a guest blogger twice for Law School 101
  95. Be a guest blogger
  96. Keep flowers in my apartment for a month straight or longer now working on keeping them continually 
  97. Go to a big San Francisco Event  SF Pride Week 
  98. Try a new restaurant once a week for a month
  99. Write at least 24 vent letters and burn them 0/25
  100. Leave an operation beauty note somewhere 0/10
  101. Brush and Floss my teeth twice a day every day for a month straight  the goal is to keep up the routine – not sure why I have this on here I think it’s a cheater because I do this everyday unless I unexpectedly stay over at a friend’s house! 

#10 Read 25 books for Pleasure

 Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades Darker
Fifty Shades Freed
Contagious
Lone Survivor 
Re-Read: Catching Fire

Tracking of  #23 Ride 1000 Miles on my Bicycle

January 3rd 2013 – 26.45 miles – First trip across the bridge (also completed #8 read my post about it here)

February 3rd 2013 – 8 Miles – First Mnt. Bike Ride

6 miles – Through the City Bridge to Bridge

3 miles – Bike ride to Golden Gate Park with Joshua

3 miles – Bike ride to Baker Beach with Joshua

#58 Identify 101 things that make me smile

My cat (Sweetpea)
Having a place of my own
Living in San Francisco
My little Sister Rachael
Flowers
Candles
Family
Friends
Bathes
Music
Hiking
Sunshine
Mist from the Fog
Looking at the Golden Gate Bridge
The Beach
Reading
Crappy Television

 

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101 in 1001, Life

The End is So Near!

As I sit in the pub on campus writing this blog post my excitement for the end of my semester can not be contained.

This has been a semester for the records. I have battled through, I have skipped too many classes, pulled too many all nighters and still managed to some how pass all my classes. My “senioritis” kicked in way too soon (I still have one semester left).

senioritis

But winter break is upon me and I can’t wait to just relax and enjoy the next month or so. Other than work my only plans are to chill, and maybe mark a few things off of my 101 things in 1001 days list. You can check that out here.

I’ll make sure to stop by the blog a few times over winter break and keep you all updated on my life.

Hope all my loves are having a wonderful holiday season and if in school have an amazing break.

xoxo – Christy

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101 in 1001, Life, Uncategorized

101 in 1001// Update

I started my 101 things to do in 1001 days list on January 1st 2013.  The goal is to complete all 101 things by September 28th, 2015.  As of yesterday (August 31st, 2013), I have completed 16 things and am in the progress of working on 14 things. Not to bad, if I do say so myself. To share in my success I thought it was time for an update.

Here is where my list stands thus far:

Christy’s 101 things in 1001 days

  1. Inspire someone else to do the 101 list Yelena over at the blog “The Twenty-Something” check out her list 
  2. Create a savings account – (created savings account on Jan 2nd)
  3. Apply for a passport – filled out the paper work – just need to schedule and appointment and file 
  4. Pay off all my CC debt – putting money away from tips daily to put towards CC debt – March 1st 2014 is goal!
  5. Travel outside the country
  6. Graduate from SFSU  – (should graduate Spring 2014) 
  7. Get a big girl job
  8. Take the LSAT  – First test is on October 5th, 2013 
  9. Apply to Law school
  10. Read 25 books for pleasure 4/25 see my list of books below.
  11. Unplug for a weekend (phone and internet) – Must be a weekend I don’t work
  12. Go camping
  13. Go Skinny dipping
  14. Visit a big city in the U.S.
  15. Throw a big party
  16. Buy the person behind me coffee or a meal
  17. Send a care package to someone in the military
  18. Send a care package to a friend
  19. Write personal letters to at least 5 people 0/5
  20. Get a minimum of 50 people to follow my blog between the blogs Facebook page and the blog directly  26/50
  21. Go a month without take out
  22. Have a no spend month (groceries, bills, emergencies only)
  23. Ride 1000 miles 46.45/1000 – see my logged miles below – check out this post about one of my rides!
  24. Go on a date 
  25. Fall in love again
  26. Dance in the rain
  27. Sing Karaoke in a bar
  28. Travel alone somewhere at least over night  went to Disney Land – 
  29. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter
  30. Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day
  31. Go Wine tasting in Napa
  32. Jump off a cliff
  33. Train for and Run a 5k (I am not a fan of running so this will be a challenge for me)
  34. Have dinner by candle light
  35. Give a 100% tip
  36. Complete a 30 day photo challenge
  37. Create and Inspiration/dream wall in my kitchen
  38. Fill my frames with pictures of people I love
  39. Invest in blog business cards 
  40. Have someone redesign my blog  I redesigned it myself
  41. Be sponsored on my blog
  42. Organize and download all my photos from Facebook
  43. Attend a blogging conference
  44. Take a cooking or baking class
  45. Make 10 recipes from pinterest – 2/10 – Pasta tacos, pesto chicken and tomato noodles, 
  46. Do 5 DIY projects from pinterest
  47. Put all of my recipes together in a cookbook
  48. Do 10 things from Sosh.com 0/10
  49. Get straight A’s one semester
  50. Buy new pots and pans *make the investment – my stepdad bought me some a set in August 13′
  51. Sponsor a child in a third world country
  52. Sponsor a Make a Wish Child
  53. Get a Tattoo
  54. Play Wii sports games for 30 days straight
  55. Buy and learn Photoshop – its been downloaded – now to learn it
  56. Do Yoga for 30 days straight
  57. Go to a concert Swedish House Mafia 2/14/13, Tim McGraw 6/9/13
  58. Identify 101 things that make me smile 17/101 see my list below
  59. Record myself singing and share on Facebook and YouTube
  60. Write a letter to myself to open when I am 30
  61. Watch or re-watch all movies that got best picture in the past 10 years as of 2013 0/10
  62. Put $10 into savings for everything completed on this list $30/$1010 
  63. Do the A-Z picture challenge
  64. Keep a line a day  for 3 months  ended up being more than a line a day see this Monday inspiration post  
  65. Call my Mom/Dad/Stepmom/sister once a month for a year – I talk to one of them at least 2-3 times a month
  66. Write a blog post for every completed item on the list –  2/101 see all posts about completed tasks by clicking on the task
  67. Have acupuncture done
  68. Go snowboarding – I love snowboarding but don’t get to go ever now that I live in California
  69. Go one month without buying coffee from Starbucks
  70. Attend a festival – Carnival with Eva, SF Pride with J, 
  71. Give 20 just because gifts 0/20
  72. Have photos taken with family
  73. Have boudoir photos taken
  74. Go to Disney World – does Disney Land count?
  75. Grow a plant from a seed
  76. Donate to a cause or charity
  77. Send a post card to postsecrets.com
  78. Send 20 postcards through post crossings 0/20
  79. Answer the 50 questions to free my mind
  80. Ride my bicycle across the golden gate bridge 
  81. Do a full ride in Marin county
  82. Stay in a Bed and Breakfast
  83. Go to the zoo by myself
  84. Finish all desperate housewives episodes 57/180
  85. Hide a note in a book in my school library
  86. Go to the ballet
  87. Make myself a build a bear
  88. Put a scrapbook together of Rae and I to give to her at her graduation
  89. Send flowers to a friend just because
  90. Have a movie theater marathon: 2 movies 1 day  Joshua and I went and saw “We’re the Millers” and “Elysium” 
  91. Learn how to golf or at least go golfing once
  92. Order new checks – they are very girly and even have my SF address on them
  93. Start reading the bible again
  94. Have a guest blogger – Yelena has been a guest blogger twice for Law School 101 
  95. Be a guest blogger
  96. Keep flowers in my apartment for a month straight or longer – now working on keeping them continually 
  97. Go to a big San Francisco Event – SF Pride Week 
  98. Try a new restaurant once a week for a month
  99. Write at least 24 vent letters and burn them 0/25
  100. Leave an operation beauty note somewhere 0/10
  101. Brush and Floss my teeth twice a day every day for a month straight the goal is to keep up the routine – not sure why I have this on here I think it’s a cheater because I do this everyday unless I unexpectedly stay over at a friend’s house! 

#10 Read 25 books for Pleasure

 Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades Darker
Fifty Shades Freed
Contagious

Tracking of  #23 Ride 1000 Miles on my Bicycle

January 3rd 2013 – 26.45 miles – First trip across the bridge (also completed #8 read my post about it here)

February 3rd 2013 – 8 Miles – First Mnt. Bike Ride

6 miles – Through the City Bridge to Bridge

3 miles – Bike ride to Golden Gate Park with Joshua

3 miles – Bike ride to Baker Beach with Joshua

#58 Identify 101 things that make me smile

My cat (Sweetpea)
Having a place of my own
Living in San Francisco
My little Sister Rachael
Flowers
Candles
Family
Friends
Bathes
Music
Hiking
Sunshine
Mist from the Fog
Looking at the Golden Gate Bridge
The Beach
Reading
Crappy Television

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Are you working on a 101 list? – Share your link in the comments so I can check out your list. I’d love to be a virtual cheerleader for you!

I hope y’all are having a wonderful holiday weekend and staying safe. I had a nice relaxing Friday and Saturday, today I’m working and then tomorrow will be homework and LSAT studying.  What are you doing for your holiday weekend?

– Christy

 

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101 in 1001, Life

Monday Inspiration: Forget and Remember

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I ran across this quote/ saying a couple of weeks ago and meant to post it that week for my Monday Inspiration posts but I never go around too it. But I really wanted to make sure I got it posted because  its something I have been starting to do daily, as well as it also kind of sums up on of my 101 in 1001’s.

J told me about this new journal idea he was given by a friend and told me I should try it out. What you do is every day before you go to bed you write in a journal 3 Daily pluses and 3 things you are looking forward to tomorrow.  Basically the goal is to be able to realize what made your day a good day and what you have to look forward to when you wake up in the morning.

So a few months ago I started this journal process. At first it was really hard for me to catch on to doing it every day and I would struggle when I couldn’t think of 3 things that either were pluses in my day or that I was looking forward to for the next day. I finally found a system that worked for me.

I don’t just write down 3 daily pluses, I write down anything that was a plus in that day and when it comes to what I am looking forward to for the next day, I write down the first things that pop in to my mind but if I can’t come up with 3 I put something in like going on a walk or reading from a certain book. This way I am giving myself a goal to do something that I would enjoy.

I’m happy to announce that last month I did my Daily Pluses Journal everyday for the entire month which is part of  one of my 101 things in 1001 days items to accomplish # 64 Keep a Line a Day Journal for 3 Months.  So I still have 2 months to go and I’m continuing to work towards this accomplishment. Even though it is little more than a Line a Day, it works for me.

photo

Do you write in a journal? Do you write daily or off an on? Is your blog your journal or do you have another way of journaling?

SO, now why does this have to do anything with the quote pictured above or Monday Inspiration? Well Its pretty self explanatory “Forget the Day’s troubles, Remember the days blessing.” By writing down my daily pluses I am choosing to remember the days blessings before I got to bed, ignoring any of the troubles I had in the day.

My challenge for you is to find a way for yourself to do the same. Forget the troubles you had today and remember what made your day worth it.

– CT 

 

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101 in 1001, Life

101 in 1001: Picture update

I am slowly but surely checking items off my 101 in 1001 days list. Today I wanted to share an update of my accomplishments and I thought I’d do it through photos.

# 3  Apply for a passport – filled out the paper work – just need to schedule and appointment and file

2013-05-22 12.05.05

#8 Take the LSAT  – First test is on October 5th, 2013 

2013-06-25 13.19.44

#23 Ride 1000 miles 43.45/1000 – see my logged miles on my 101 in 1001 page – check out this post about one of my rides!

photo 22013-02-03 09.58.54

#24 – Go on a Date 

First date with Joshua

# 28 Travel alone somewhere at least over night  went to Disney Land – 

2013-03-28 11.16.47

# 40 – Have someone redesign my blog  I redesigned it myself

2013-05-23 11.46.39

#45 – Make 10 recipes from pinterest – 2/10 – Pasta tacos, pesto chicken and tomato noodles, 

2012-07-12 19.18.37

# 57 Go to a concert – Swedish House Mafia 2/14/13, Tim McGraw 6/9/13

2013-06-09 21.13.26 2013-06-09 19.20.47-2 IMG_1078

#64 Keep a line a day  for 3 months  ended up being more than a line a day see this Monday inspiration post  

photo

# 70 Attend a festival Carnival with Eva, SF Pride with J, 

2013-05-25 16.37.442013-06-30 14.02.17

#80 Ride my bicycle across the golden gate bridge 

2013-01-03 12.21.29

#96 Keep flowers in my apartment for a month straight or longer – now working on keeping them continually 

2013-01-17 09.00.21 2013-01-28 18.19.442013-04-29 19.38.17

#97 – Go to a big San Francisco Event SF Pride Week

2013-06-30 14.02.17

I am so proud of myself and looking back on what I have done so far makes me want to keep working at what I have on the list. 13/101 in 5 months seems like I am heading at a pretty good rate. Most of my items are things that happen over time or things I can do at the same time which makes the list a little bit easier.

Have you ever done anything like this?  Are you doing a 101 in 1001 day? If so please share your lists and or accomplishments in a comment.

I’ll continue to keep checking things off my list and updating y’all as I can!

– CT 

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