Life, Love

Who am I… a never ending question

blog 12:3

Every person goes through those times in life where they just realize the realities of their lives. They realize that ____ is what they want to do, _____ is who they want to be with for the rest of their lives, and _______ is what they will aspire to be.

It wasn’t until recently I had one of those realizations. Although, it may not be as specific as I want to be with this person, I want to do this or I want to aspire to be this realization, it WAS a realization of who I really am.

Although, I feel like I still can’t fully express who I am, I can express my current feelings, struggles and look for advice in the most conspicuous way I can.

By what I have to say some of you may be able to jump to a correct assumption, but others I am sure will choose to convince themselves of something different. They will do what I have been doing for the past 12 years.

I remember the first time I realized I was different from everyone else, it changed my life forever and I have just now come to realize how it changed my life.

I put myself into a self-induced depression. I took everything else going on in my life and used it as the blames for why I was so depressed, unhappy and down right a bitch of an adolescent (sorry mom(s)). Although, some of the things happening in life we’re a source of my depression the underlying factor was so much more than I wished to confront.

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I blamed my parents for getting a divorce.
I blamed my dad for being in the military and being shipped off to Iraq.
I blamed my moms for not giving me the attention I wanted.
I blamed my sister, for being the perfect one.
I blamed God.
I struggled with my faith.
I surrounded myself with boys.
I chose to live a life evolving more drugs and sex than one needs to admit too.
I choose to stay in relationships that were unhealthy.
I choose to stay in relationships because everyone thought we were “perfect together.”
I chose to tell myself I was a horrible person.
I chose to tell myself that I would never be good enough.
I chose to hide who I really am.
I chose to work harder at everything else in life to make up for “it.”
I chose to distance myself from my family and friends.
I chose a life with no friends, (at one point).
I chose to ignore all the thoughts in my head.
I chose to be miserable.

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After years and years of being miserable and choosing the lifestyle I had chosen I finally came to a realization.

I started to explore my feelings.
I slowly started to express my feelings to the friends I had, to the people I met.
I chose to not let the judgement of other bother me.
I chose to surround myself with like individuals.

But all the while I still chose to hide it.

Up until about two weeks ago, I finally started to explore this part of who I am. I randomly one day opened up to two of the most important people in my life my mom and my step mom, only to find my stepmom knew all along and that her love for me would never change and that my mom totally understood and would love me know matter what.

So it’s at this point that I can only hope, that over the next few weeks/months that I open up. That I let people in, that they will to react as my moms did and be here for me like they have always been.

I know that in reality not everyone will be as supportive or understanding. I know that I may lose people, relationships, and even respect. But I know if I continue to lie to myself and those who are in my life and those who continue to enter my life, then I will for always and ever be hurting myself and will never truly be happy.

Like my mom said. “I’m happy, but am I really happy? You, Sweetie need to be happy and whatever that is that makes you happy is what makes you, you!

blog 12:1-1

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101 in 1001, Life, Uncategorized

101 in 1001// Update

I started my 101 things to do in 1001 days list on January 1st 2013.  The goal is to complete all 101 things by September 28th, 2015.  As of yesterday (August 31st, 2013), I have completed 16 things and am in the progress of working on 14 things. Not to bad, if I do say so myself. To share in my success I thought it was time for an update.

Here is where my list stands thus far:

Christy’s 101 things in 1001 days

  1. Inspire someone else to do the 101 list Yelena over at the blog “The Twenty-Something” check out her list 
  2. Create a savings account – (created savings account on Jan 2nd)
  3. Apply for a passport – filled out the paper work – just need to schedule and appointment and file 
  4. Pay off all my CC debt – putting money away from tips daily to put towards CC debt – March 1st 2014 is goal!
  5. Travel outside the country
  6. Graduate from SFSU  – (should graduate Spring 2014) 
  7. Get a big girl job
  8. Take the LSAT  – First test is on October 5th, 2013 
  9. Apply to Law school
  10. Read 25 books for pleasure 4/25 see my list of books below.
  11. Unplug for a weekend (phone and internet) – Must be a weekend I don’t work
  12. Go camping
  13. Go Skinny dipping
  14. Visit a big city in the U.S.
  15. Throw a big party
  16. Buy the person behind me coffee or a meal
  17. Send a care package to someone in the military
  18. Send a care package to a friend
  19. Write personal letters to at least 5 people 0/5
  20. Get a minimum of 50 people to follow my blog between the blogs Facebook page and the blog directly  26/50
  21. Go a month without take out
  22. Have a no spend month (groceries, bills, emergencies only)
  23. Ride 1000 miles 46.45/1000 – see my logged miles below – check out this post about one of my rides!
  24. Go on a date 
  25. Fall in love again
  26. Dance in the rain
  27. Sing Karaoke in a bar
  28. Travel alone somewhere at least over night  went to Disney Land – 
  29. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter
  30. Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day
  31. Go Wine tasting in Napa
  32. Jump off a cliff
  33. Train for and Run a 5k (I am not a fan of running so this will be a challenge for me)
  34. Have dinner by candle light
  35. Give a 100% tip
  36. Complete a 30 day photo challenge
  37. Create and Inspiration/dream wall in my kitchen
  38. Fill my frames with pictures of people I love
  39. Invest in blog business cards 
  40. Have someone redesign my blog  I redesigned it myself
  41. Be sponsored on my blog
  42. Organize and download all my photos from Facebook
  43. Attend a blogging conference
  44. Take a cooking or baking class
  45. Make 10 recipes from pinterest – 2/10 – Pasta tacos, pesto chicken and tomato noodles, 
  46. Do 5 DIY projects from pinterest
  47. Put all of my recipes together in a cookbook
  48. Do 10 things from Sosh.com 0/10
  49. Get straight A’s one semester
  50. Buy new pots and pans *make the investment – my stepdad bought me some a set in August 13′
  51. Sponsor a child in a third world country
  52. Sponsor a Make a Wish Child
  53. Get a Tattoo
  54. Play Wii sports games for 30 days straight
  55. Buy and learn Photoshop – its been downloaded – now to learn it
  56. Do Yoga for 30 days straight
  57. Go to a concert Swedish House Mafia 2/14/13, Tim McGraw 6/9/13
  58. Identify 101 things that make me smile 17/101 see my list below
  59. Record myself singing and share on Facebook and YouTube
  60. Write a letter to myself to open when I am 30
  61. Watch or re-watch all movies that got best picture in the past 10 years as of 2013 0/10
  62. Put $10 into savings for everything completed on this list $30/$1010 
  63. Do the A-Z picture challenge
  64. Keep a line a day  for 3 months  ended up being more than a line a day see this Monday inspiration post  
  65. Call my Mom/Dad/Stepmom/sister once a month for a year – I talk to one of them at least 2-3 times a month
  66. Write a blog post for every completed item on the list –  2/101 see all posts about completed tasks by clicking on the task
  67. Have acupuncture done
  68. Go snowboarding – I love snowboarding but don’t get to go ever now that I live in California
  69. Go one month without buying coffee from Starbucks
  70. Attend a festival – Carnival with Eva, SF Pride with J, 
  71. Give 20 just because gifts 0/20
  72. Have photos taken with family
  73. Have boudoir photos taken
  74. Go to Disney World – does Disney Land count?
  75. Grow a plant from a seed
  76. Donate to a cause or charity
  77. Send a post card to postsecrets.com
  78. Send 20 postcards through post crossings 0/20
  79. Answer the 50 questions to free my mind
  80. Ride my bicycle across the golden gate bridge 
  81. Do a full ride in Marin county
  82. Stay in a Bed and Breakfast
  83. Go to the zoo by myself
  84. Finish all desperate housewives episodes 57/180
  85. Hide a note in a book in my school library
  86. Go to the ballet
  87. Make myself a build a bear
  88. Put a scrapbook together of Rae and I to give to her at her graduation
  89. Send flowers to a friend just because
  90. Have a movie theater marathon: 2 movies 1 day  Joshua and I went and saw “We’re the Millers” and “Elysium” 
  91. Learn how to golf or at least go golfing once
  92. Order new checks – they are very girly and even have my SF address on them
  93. Start reading the bible again
  94. Have a guest blogger – Yelena has been a guest blogger twice for Law School 101 
  95. Be a guest blogger
  96. Keep flowers in my apartment for a month straight or longer – now working on keeping them continually 
  97. Go to a big San Francisco Event – SF Pride Week 
  98. Try a new restaurant once a week for a month
  99. Write at least 24 vent letters and burn them 0/25
  100. Leave an operation beauty note somewhere 0/10
  101. Brush and Floss my teeth twice a day every day for a month straight the goal is to keep up the routine – not sure why I have this on here I think it’s a cheater because I do this everyday unless I unexpectedly stay over at a friend’s house! 

#10 Read 25 books for Pleasure

 Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades Darker
Fifty Shades Freed
Contagious

Tracking of  #23 Ride 1000 Miles on my Bicycle

January 3rd 2013 – 26.45 miles – First trip across the bridge (also completed #8 read my post about it here)

February 3rd 2013 – 8 Miles – First Mnt. Bike Ride

6 miles – Through the City Bridge to Bridge

3 miles – Bike ride to Golden Gate Park with Joshua

3 miles – Bike ride to Baker Beach with Joshua

#58 Identify 101 things that make me smile

My cat (Sweetpea)
Having a place of my own
Living in San Francisco
My little Sister Rachael
Flowers
Candles
Family
Friends
Bathes
Music
Hiking
Sunshine
Mist from the Fog
Looking at the Golden Gate Bridge
The Beach
Reading
Crappy Television

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Are you working on a 101 list? – Share your link in the comments so I can check out your list. I’d love to be a virtual cheerleader for you!

I hope y’all are having a wonderful holiday weekend and staying safe. I had a nice relaxing Friday and Saturday, today I’m working and then tomorrow will be homework and LSAT studying.  What are you doing for your holiday weekend?

– Christy

 

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Life, Love

August 15th: Birthday Galore!!!

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Today is a day for Birthdays in my family. Today is my Dad, my sister and my nanny’s birthday.  I don’t have a picture of me and my nanny to post, but the above picture is of me, my dad, my sister and of course our cute little boxer. We took this picture when I was home visiting for Christmas 2011.

Today my Dad will turn 46 years old and my sister will be 17. I can not believe she is already 17 years old and that my dad is actually so young. Well anyways here’s a huge birthday shout out to some of the most important people in my life.

Happy Birthday! I love you!

 

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Life, Uncategorized

Happy 4th of July

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Wishing everyone a safe and Happy 4th of July. I would like to thank everyone who has served and serves for our country. It’s people like you that made our independence possible.

Sorry there haven’t been any posts this week.  In honor of the holiday, I haven’t posted anything. As a server I don’t actually get the holiday weekend off, so my holiday relaxation is not worrying about the blog this week.

But, look forward to these exciting posts next week: 

Monday Inspiration: Forget & Remember

Adventure Wednesday’s: SF Pride

and I am hoping to get an updated 101 in 1001 post out

Have a wonderful 4 day weekend loves, stay safe and for those of you in this heat wave stay hydrated!

-CT

 

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Uncategorized

Packing Ugh!

I have managed to pack up my desk, most of my kitchen stuff (the non daily use items) and my bookshelf. Except now my book shelf is collecting random things that need to find a home in a box at some point.

I am really not a fan of packing. 1 week left  and I work everyday till May 31st. So if I don’t keep working at it daily I am going to be freaking out come June 1st.

Today, I deep cleaned the kitchen while packing all the items I don’t see myself or my roommate using in the next week. All I have left is utensils, pots, pans, cups and dishes. Those items will get packed when my roommate brings her replacement items from out of storage.

Done for the day though. Now it is time to pick up a book and relax. Currently reading “Catching Fire” the 2nd book of the Hunger Games trilogy.

Do you have any packing tips or tricks to share? I’d love to hear them!

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